July’s Havin’ a Laugh Coffee Morning was another morning well spent. Lots of issues were discussed in the informal yet informative chat. The thing that struck me about this coffee morning and the last is that everyone is always respectful of one another during discussions. It was a different conversation this week, too, which shows the variety of topics brought up. I’m looking forward to the next one already.
Throughout the hour, the focus was centered around people.
We’re all enjoying meeting with friends and family again, and even just being out within the wider community – getting back to the old normal a little bit and realising how much we missed it.
Everyone within the group agreed that we enjoy being around people who make us feel positive – people who are good for you, who want the best for you. We’ve all missed the company, even if we’re fine on our own. We miss human connection. One of the members made a point that we are social creatures, and when we meet other people, we thrive and something new is created. Another contributor said that being with people again has aided her writing, and I couldn’t agree more. People give us joy. They bring us out of ourselves and make us feel good. Of course, there are also those who make us feel bad. My mam calls it ‘radiators and drains’, and I love that symbolism. The drains were discussed this morning and lots of great advice was given.
We all have an intuition about people and know when we don’t like someone or when they give us a negative feeling or radiate bad energy. Some thrive off this and try to suck away all our joy. The group talked about how to send such negativity back to the person, with mention also of personal shields and figures of eight.
Lots of those in attendance said that, as they developed through life, they were better able to understand how to deal with people they didn’t want to spend time with. As we grow up, we develop and become more self-aware. We stop chasing after friends we don’t need and aren’t good for us and focus on who matters. One of the members even said that when she stopped trying to make friends, she found the best friendships. We don’t need friends who make us want to do the wrong thing or who aren’t good for us. It can be hard to get away from that, though. Easier said than done. Even so, it’s worthwhile surrounding yourself with radiators instead of drains.
Inevitably, conflict with other people will occur, and lots of advice came through on this, too. One member said that a simple phrase, ‘you could be right’, has deescalated many an argument, especially ones other people think they’re having with you but they’re really just arguing for the sake of it. She said another phrase that works is ‘I’m sorry’. Being agreeable apparently annoys people who are having a rant.
Another participant had a pertinent piece of advice: If she doesn’t feel something is okay, then she says it straight out, refusing to hold it in anymore. She said being civil and identifying the fact that she doesn’t like something works out better and deescalates situations faster.
I love both pieces of advice. They’re gold. Two other pieces of golden advice were:
- It’s important to remember in an argument that sometimes it’s not you, it’s them. Sometimes you’re not at fault at all.
- In other instances, we just click with some people and not with others, and that’s okay, too.
Overthinking came up a few times. It can be a hard habit to kick. We build things up in our heads and even project them onto other people, often forming ideas of others that are misconceptions.
It’s worth trying to kick the habit, though, or to talk about things or write them out if our overthinking is bringing us down.
It’s important to remember that nobody is perfect. We’re all vulnerable and a little messed up, with insecurities, and are struggling in our own way. It was agreed that we need to be less hard on ourselves and others, and we need to learn to trust ourselves and those we interact with.
An interesting point was made about ego, which is what separates us from other people. We all need it but it’s important to keep it in check. People can have inflated egos, and I’m sure we all know someone who has one. They can also be deflated, which manifests as a lack of self-belief.
Another thing mentioned was the Vagus Nerve and the effects that cold water can have on you, either when you swim in it or when you use it to wash your face or hands. It’s a way of grounding yourself and can be helpful for some people.
A cold dip in the sea has been a growing phenomenon over the last few years. It can make some feel less anxious or wake others up and put them in a great mood for the day. A couple of members mentioned how it feels great to get into the sea when it’s raining.
The monthly coffee mornings are going to stay online for the next few months, with the next live catch-up happening on Monday, August 9th at 11 a.m.
Anyone is welcome to pop in to say hello and listen or contribute to the conversation, which is always easy-going and cordial. Registration in advance is necessary to receive an email zoom link on the morning.